Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has been teaching the skills of communication, rapport, and linguistics for over 40 years. It teaches the vast conscious and unconscious intricacies of communication, interpretation, comprehension and understanding. Imagine really understanding the person you are communicating with, almost like having insider knowledge of how this person ticks and what they really want to hear from you to feel understood, appreciated, seen, heard, and validated.
Dr Kim Brown is world renowned expert in this field. The viral TEDx speaker advises, mentors, and coaches many ambitious individuals globally to live a life of abundance and freedom in all areas! Kim continues.
“Now apply this knowledge to relationships and intimacy. Consider really understanding someone’s communication style, their processing style, their interpretation style and having a detailed understanding of their model of the world. You can utilise this information to form closer bonds and really align your core values with your partner. Consider how helpful it would be if you knew when your partner was being truly honest with you and when they were lying to you.
NLP helps you to fully understand and appreciate your person’s listening style, speaking style, and understanding the scaffolding and structure to HOW they think, not just WHAT they think. This is how you communicate and appreciate another person at a deeper level. This is how you get to be more present, more connected and have a stronger bond.
NLP also is well known to have conflict resolution strategies. I am not referring to great make up sex here! I am talking about really understanding the other person’s viewpoint from a dissociated position, so not having destructive emotion enter the conflict. This allows the communication to be open and frank without emotion or finger pointing taking over. Just true understanding of the scaffolding of the problem and how to resolve it in a quick, safe, and emotion-free way.
The way a person behaves is a direct result of their thoughts, beliefs, past experiences, and values. We could refer to this as their programming. A person’s programming is also passed down through the generations, so it is very common to have behavioural patterns in families. If you or your partner are from separated families, then you are likely to have certain beliefs that would be different from families that have not experienced separation or divorce.
If your parents never talked about sex or never showed intimacy in public, you may have certain beliefs around public displays of affection with your own partner. It may be quite challenging for you to behave with affection or love anywhere outside the bedroom. This could be part of your programming.
So, if you want to get closer to your partner, understand them better and have a better sex life, here are my 3 simple steps:
Use NLP Matching and Mirroring
It’s the subtle movements or gestures in the non-verbal communication that you can match and mirror. If your partner touches their face, you could very subtly touch your face too. If they blink at a certain speed, you could match that too. It’s the very subtle changes that can bring you closer together. And it’s not about being creepy and over the top with your matching and mirroring. It’s very subtle, very unconscious and goes a long way to building great rapport or deepening the rapport you already have.
Stepping into your partner’s shoes
In NLP, this is called Perceptual Positions and it is a technique where you step into your partner’s shoes and try on their hat for a moment. Really allow yourself to hear and see and feel the world from their perspective. Look at your own behaviour and attitude from THEIR perspective.
When you step into someone else’s shoes, you really get to “try on” their model of the World and see it from their perspective. It is a safe and informative way of being able to understand your partner better and really validate what it is they want and need from you.
Of course, this information is only useful if you use it to modify any behaviours you have that are not in alignment with your partner and their needs and wants. Utilise this insider information to understand your partner and adjust your behaviours to enhance the relationship from your new place of understanding.
Anchoring Positive States
I am sure you can connect emotional memories to certain smells or sounds. Perhaps you can clearly remember your first date and the music that was playing. Or the smell of a perfume or cologne when you had your most exciting moment.
When you think of these positive times and connect the feeling to the emotion, you are being anchored to it. And you can choose to do this with your intimate partner.
Deliberately choose a favourite song, or favourite shirt or favourite smell when showing your loved one a good time. And the more you practise doing these connections, the more of a bond you can create. Really be present during your next empowering and positive moments and pay attention to the sounds and the smells and the colours that are adding to the joyous moments.
The next time you are having an orgasm, pay attention to the emotions that are happening at the time of your bliss. Deepen that feeling by noticing the music or the perfume or the sensations on your skin. And the next time the orgasmic moment arrived, really focus on those anchors to heighten your sensation emotionally.
Understand what helps anchor your partner too and set that up for the most exciting experience. Really delve into what brings them pleasure with the look of the room, sounds that are important, textures they want to feel and what heightens their sensation. When you use NLP questioning and listening, you can really understand deeply what you and your partner want from each other to be able to enhance your experiences.
NLP and its importance
NLP is well known to enhance business and sales skills and now you have an understanding how it can help with relationships, intimacy, and sex.
Learning the skills of communication, rapport, sales, conflict resolution and emotional intelligence will help all areas of your life.
If you or your partner need help removing the limiting beliefs or negative emotions that are impacting your sex life, be sure to reach out to me so I can help with a personal breakthrough or training course. Book a call here.