Executive Contributor | Stan & Francesca Levine | Relationships
What is intimate connection? It’s a feeling of alignment and intimacy between 2 people. It’s like an entwinement between you and your partner at many different levels – verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual – it could be all or any of those.
It’s a feeling of being close; it means being able to share a whole range of thoughts, feelings and experiences that we have as human beings. It involves creating an environment where both people feel safe being themselves and sharing. It also requires both people to be emotionally available.
Deep connection can involve all 5 of our senses – touch, sight, sound, smell and hearing; the deeper your connection – the stronger your relationship.
Connection is primarily about GIVING & being willing to risk crossing the bridge into your partner’s world, to learn & accept (and you don’t have to agree) what is important to him/her, what makes your partner “tick”, what he/she likes and dislikes and why. What were and are his/her dreams, what the emotional wounds are from within your partner’s history, and how you can help the healing of those wounds.
It’s usual for there to be deep connection at the beginning of an intimate adult relationship, but instead of allowing/encouraging it to grow and become deeper, most of us allow “life to get in the way”, e.g. work, children, extended family pressures, finances: that’s when the connection starts to drop away, and couples start to take each other for granted.
It should continue to build over time as you connect with someone, grow to care more about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together.
If you keep each other informed of your feelings, thoughts, wishes, uncertainties, intentions etc. then each of you has more information about the other.
That way, there is less room for confusion, fear and assumptions that are often wrong and create distance.
Deep connection has the potential to make your partner feel safe and loved. That presumes trust, for without that there is no safety. Trust occurs when you honour your word, when you’re faithful and when you’re truthful.
Francesca and Stan Levine who run the Relationship Rescue Institute in Melbourne, Australia, who have been married for 55 years, give couples cutting edge advice and teach them practical tools to use in order to put connection back on the top of their priority list.
IT’S NOT THAT HARD – you just need to be willing to do once more what you used to do at the beginning of your relationship. And the rewards are fantastic!